National Caregiver Month: Learning to Care for My Mom - and Myself

A girl's trip my sisters and I took with my mom about 3 months before her Alzheimer’s diagnosis.  There were signs on that trip that my mom was having issues. 

Here we go into the holiday season!  Food, family, and the spirit of the holidays!  A time to be thankful and celebrate!  Besides Thanksgiving, November is also National Alzheimer’s Awareness Month and National Caregiver Month.  Years ago, I worked on the Alzheimer’s unit of what was then Western Manor Nursing Home.  After that, I spent over 25 years working for Home Care and Hospice services at RiverStone, so I thought I was well equipped to deal with dementia and caregiving issues.  That confidence quickly changed! 

A little over 2 years ago, my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.  Looking back, there were signs, little things here and there that she shrugged off as “getting older,” and not-so-little things that were becoming more apparent.  She quit cleaning the house and taking her medications, she lost weight, got the telephone and TV remote control mixed up, and she was afraid to be alone at night.  So began several months of me going to her house after work.  Helping her with her medications, fixing supper, cleaning, and grocery shopping.  My oldest son would come later in the evening to stay with her overnight.  I would head home just in time to go to bed and start all over again the next morning!  I was barely seeing my kids and husband (He works nights and would be gone by the time I got home). 

Eventually, we moved my mom into our house.  I naively thought things would be easier.  I could come straight home, get to see my family, and take care of my mom.  The thing is that caregiving is not that simple.  The emotional toll it can take on a person can be overwhelming.  I found myself anxious, gaining weight (Hello, emotional eating!), resentful of my siblings for not helping more, frustrated that I wasn’t getting any time to myself, stressed with taking my mom to appointments, not to mention the sadness of realizing that our roles had changed.  I was now the “parent,” and she, the “child.” 

Now, the irony is not lost on me that I work for an organization that provides help and resources for seniors and their families.  But, somehow, having to ask for help felt like I was failing.  This is not true.  Quite the opposite.  We, as caregivers, must take care of ourselves before we can take care of others.  Admittedly, I am still working on this, but I am taking steps in the right direction.  I hope to attend some caregiver support meetings soon, to connect with people who know what I’m going through.  I am also proud to work at Allies in Aging and know that I can find help and support right here where I work!  If you need help, support, or resources, please call Allies in Aging at (406) 259-9666.   

“To love a person is to see all of their magic, and to remind them of it when they have forgotten.” -Anonymous

Happy Holidays!

-Stacy

Meals on Wheels is accepting more participants in Yellowstone County.  If you are in the Billings, Laurel, Huntley, Worden, or Shepherd areas, and age 60 and over, you may qualify. Please contact (406)259-9666 for more information.  No senior should go hungry.